Raising good men in a changing world
As we mark International Men’s Day this year, we reflect on what it means to raising good men in today’s co-educational, globally connected society. For parents of boys and for families in which boys grow and learn side by side with girls, this is a particularly relevant conversation: what messages are we sending, how are we modelling behaviour, and how are we helping our sons become not only ‘good men’ but healthy, thoughtful, and engaged men?
The meaning of masculinity today
Masculinity is not a static set of traits, but a lived experience shaped by culture, relationships and opportunity. In Australia, new research from The University of Queensland (UQ) shows that young men whose fathers adhere strongly to traditional models of masculinity are significantly more likely also to endorse those same models. This reminds us that fathers (or male role-models) carry great influence in shaping how boys learn to ‘be a man.’ It also tells us that shifting from outdated or narrow ways of thinking about masculinity requires conscious effort.
In a co-educational environment, our boys are growing up seeing a wider range of masculine role-models and interacting side-by-side with girls. They witness women in leadership, peers of both genders challenging stereotypes, and social norms evolving. The opportunity here is rich: we can equip our sons to model strength not by dominance, but by kindness, resilience, curiosity and emotional literacy.
Why raising good men matters
When we talk about raising good men, we are not simply encouraging boys to ‘behave’ or tick boxes of respectability. We are aiming for something deeper: men who understand their responsibilities, respect themselves and others, who can demonstrate integrity, and who lead by example, not just for their peers, but within their communities, friendships and families.
The significance of this is clear. Research shows traditional, rigid masculinity has been linked with poorer mental health outcomes, increased risk-taking behaviours and less help-seeking. By engaging in raising good men, parents help break cycles of harmful norms and open possibilities for young men to thrive in more positive, fulfilling, inclusive ways.
How to approach it: strategies for parents
- Role-modelling behaviour
Your son watches how you treat others, how you deal with setbacks, how you ask for help, how you speak about emotion. The UQ research emphasises that the beliefs of fathers strongly influence their sons. It follows that being deliberate about showing vulnerability, kindness and inclusive behaviour is powerful. - Language matters
Avoid framing ‘boys will be boys’ or normalising aggressive behaviour (‘real men don’t cry’). Instead talk openly about what being a respectful, responsible man looks like, that is, caring for others, owning mistakes, learning resilience, showing empathy. - Conversations about identity and emotion
Encourage your son to name feelings, talk about friendships, discuss what respect means, and recognise gendered expectations. In co-ed schooling environments, these conversations help boys understand the value of collaboration, equity and different perspectives. - Encourage agency and responsibility
‘A good man’ often takes responsibility for his actions and contributes to his community. Assign household responsibilities fairly, involve boys in decision-making, celebrate effort, not just achievement. Help them understand that being manly isn’t about power over others, it’s about standing with others. - Be aware of peer and cultural pressures
Even well-intentioned families live in a cultural context. Research emphasises that intergenerational transmission of masculine norms is real. Schools, friends, media all play a role. Maintain open channels so your child feels they can talk when things don’t feel right.
Special considerations in a co-educational school world
In a co-ed school environment, boys benefit from daily interactions with female peers who may communicate differently, approach collaboration differently, and express leadership differently. This setting offers a live arena to practice emotional intelligence, mutual respect, and gender-equitable behaviours.
As parents, you can reinforce this by supporting inclusive sports, mixed-group activities, leadership opportunities that cross gender lines, and recognition of all students’ contributions equally. Encourage your son to be a respectful ally, not just in words, but in practice.
At the same time, don’t shrink from addressing the specific challenges boys still face: pressure to conform, difficulties in seeking help, societal expectations of stoicism. Recognising both opportunity and challenge helps you navigate raising good men with intention.
What research tells us about outcomes
The UQ-led study found that young men whose fathers held more traditional masculinity beliefs, scored higher on a validated measure of masculinity ideology (which included items about risk-taking, dominance over others, importance of being heterosexual, and emotional control). They concluded: “young men learn a lot about how to be a man from their dads.” Importantly, this research signals that we can intervene – programs that engage fathers are likely to have long-term positive effects for future generations.
In the Australian school context, we know that when boys have mentors, clear role-models, and safe spaces to reflect and express emotion, their wellbeing improves. While less directly quantified, the pattern is consistent – expansive, inclusive masculinities support better relationships, better mental health and more positive life outcomes.
Raising good men in today’s world means parenting with clarity, modelling authenticity, and recognising that masculinity is not fixed: it evolves. It means celebrating character over conformity, connection over control, empathy over dominance. It means engaging in the journey together with your son, your family, and your community, and recognising the profound influence you hold.
As the world continues to change, and schools increasingly foster collaborative, co-ed learning environments, there is an opportunity for boys to thrive as respectful, empowered young men who contribute to a healthier, fairer world.
At All Saints Grammar we are committed to supporting families in their journey of raising good men, alongside raising all young people to be their best selves. Our co-educational environment from PreKinder to Year 12 provides a caring and encouraging community where boys and girls grow together, supported by staff and mentors who value character, resilience and respect. To learn more about how we partner with families in this important work, visit our website.
