6 Tips on how to teach gratitude to kids

How to teach gratitude to kids is about more than teaching good manners. It is about helping young people notice the good around them, recognise the people who support them and appreciate experiences that might otherwise go unnoticed.

For parents, this can feel surprisingly difficult. Children naturally focus on what they want next. A toddler may ignore a room full of toys and reach for the one another child is holding. A teenager may have a cupboard full of clothes but feel they have ‘nothing to wear.’

This is not necessarily selfishness. Children are still developing the ability to see beyond their immediate needs and perspective. Gratitude gives them a way to practise that skill.

It also means giving children opportunities to experience the fact that they cannot always have what they want immediately. Learning to wait, work towards something or accept “not this time,” can help children develop patience and perspective alongside gratitude.

The good news is that gratitude does not require elaborate family rituals or lengthy journals. It can become part of ordinary family life. A conversation in the car, a thank you at the dinner table or noticing something beautiful on a walk can all become opportunities to practise appreciation.

What is gratitude?

Gratitude involves recognising that something is valuable or beneficial and appreciating its source. That might mean appreciating a friend’s kindness, a teacher’s encouragement, a sibling’s help or simply the opportunity to spend time outdoors.

For children, gratitude develops gradually. A preschool child may understand gratitude through simple experiences: “Thank you for helping me build this tower.” Older children can begin to understand more complex ideas, such as recognising someone’s effort even when they did not get the outcome they wanted.

Teenagers can take this further. They can reflect on relationships, opportunities, challenges and the people who have influenced them.

Importantly, gratitude is not the same as pretending everything is wonderful. A child can feel disappointed about losing a game and still appreciate the friend who encouraged them. A teenager can be frustrated about schoolwork while recognising the support they receive from a teacher.

This distinction matters. Gratitude should add perspective, not silence difficult emotions.

Why does gratitude matter?

Gratitude can help children notice the positive moments in everyday life. The more they pause to appreciate these experiences, the more they may begin to recognise the people, moments and things that bring meaning to their lives.

Australian research provides some interesting insight into the relationship between gratitude and school engagement. A 2015 study of 112 primary school students in Brisbane examined gratitude alongside optimism, zest and persistence. Together, these positive psychological strengths were associated with higher levels of school engagement and prosocial behaviour. Gratitude also showed a particularly strong relationship with the other positive psychological characteristics measured in the study.

Research by the Australian Institute of Family Studies also highlights the value of broader prosocial behaviours. Analysis from the Growing Up in Australia longitudinal study found that prosocial behaviour was associated with fewer emotional symptoms during childhood. Among young people who had participated in volunteering by around age 12–13, the odds of experiencing clinical levels of emotional symptoms two years later were approximately 28% lower.

These findings do not mean that gratitude alone prevents mental health Instead, they point towards the value of developing qualities such as appreciation, kindness, connection and contribution as part of children’s broader development.

There is also an important reason to avoid overselling gratitude. A 2025 Australian randomised controlled trial involving 537 students across nine South Australian primary schools found no significant differences in wellbeing, anxiety or depression between students who participated in the Growing with Gratitude program and those in the control group.

However, implementation was inconsistent, with many classes completing fewer than 70% of the program. Interestingly, the researchers found some indication that the program may have benefited children who already had clinically significant anxiety or depression symptoms at the start of the study. This was a subgroup finding, however, and the researchers called for further investigation.

For parents, this is a useful reminder. Gratitude is best viewed as one healthy social and emotional skill, rather than a cure-all.

How can parents teach gratitude? The most effective approach is usually simple: model it, notice it and practise it. Here are six ways to teach your child gratitude.

1. Model gratitude in everyday life

Children learn a great deal from watching adults. When parents regularly express genuine appreciation, children hear what gratitude sounds like in real life.

Instead of saying only “thank you”, explain why you appreciate something. “Thanks for emptying the dishwasher. It made the morning much easier for me.” This helps children connect an action with its impact.

You can also make appreciation specific. “Thank you” is polite, but “Thank you for including your brother in the game” helps a child recognise kindness and its effect on someone else.

The same approach works with older children. Rather than demanding that teenagers “be grateful”, invite them to notice what is going well. A question such as “What was one good thing about today?” can open a conversation without turning it into a lecture. This could include acknowledging the effort behind everyday privileges, such as having meals prepared, being driven to sport or having access to technology.

For teenagers, modelling also means being willing to acknowledge when something has gone wrong. Saying “I was frustrated about that, but I’m grateful that…” shows that gratitude does not require pretending everything is perfect.

2. Make gratitude part of everyday life

Gratitude works best when it feels natural.

At dinner, each family member might share something they appreciated that day. During the school run, ask children to identify something they are looking forward to. Before bed, younger children might name a person, place or experience that made them happy.

For children who enjoy writing, a gratitude journal can provide another option. They might record three things they appreciated, draw a picture or write a short note to someone. The Australian Institute of Family Studies highlights gratitude journalling as one way to help young people notice positive aspects of their daily experiences and relationships.

Another AIFS resource suggests gratitude activities can help children focus on the resources they have and keep things in perspective.

However, children do not all respond to the same approach. One child might enjoy keeping a journal. Another may find it tedious. Some children may prefer talking, drawing, taking photographs or doing something kind for someone else.

The goal is not to create another chore. It is to develop the habit of noticing.

3. Teach children to appreciate people

One of the most powerful forms of gratitude focuses on relationships.

Ask children to think about the people who make their lives better. It could be a grandparent who always listens, a friend who makes them laugh or a teacher who encouraged them when something was difficult.

Then take gratitude one step further: express it.

A young child could draw a picture for someone. A primary-aged student might write a short note. A teenager could send a thoughtful message to someone who has helped them.

This turns gratitude from an internal feeling into a social behaviour.

It also connects with Australian research into prosocial behaviour. The Growing Up in Australia study found that at least 80% of children and young people aged four to 17 displayed some form of prosocial behaviour, including helping, sharing and volunteering. The researchers highlight the importance of cultivating these behaviours during childhood and early adolescence.

Avoid turning gratitude into “you should be grateful.” There is a fine line between teaching gratitude and demanding it.

Telling an upset child that they should be grateful because “other children have it worse,” rarely creates genuine appreciation. It can instead make children feel that their emotions are unreasonable.

A better response acknowledges the disappointment first. “You’re really disappointed that your friend couldn’t come over. That makes sense. Is there anything about today that still made you smile?”

This approach does not dismiss the negative emotion. It simply helps the child hold more than one feeling at once.

That is an important life skill. Resilient young people do not need to feel positive all the time. They need to recognise that difficult experiences and positive experiences can exist alongside each other.

4. Help children understand wants and needs

Children are surrounded by messages telling them what they need next. A new toy, the latest device, a particular brand of clothing or the newest game can quickly become something that feels essential, even when it is not.

Teaching children to distinguish between wants and needs can help them develop perspective without making them feel guilty for wanting things.

For younger children, this might mean talking about the difference between something they need, such as food or a safe place to live, and something they would like, such as another toy.

As children get older, the conversations can become more sophisticated. A teenager may genuinely need a device for school, but that does not necessarily mean they need the newest model. They may want expensive shoes, a particular car or concert tickets, but learning to prioritise and make choices is part of growing independence.

This does not mean children should never receive things they want. In fact, being able to enjoy a treat or look forward to a purchase is part of a healthy childhood. The goal is to help children understand that wanting something and being entitled to it are different things.

5. Practise delayed gratification

Gratitude can be harder to develop when children become accustomed to getting what they want immediately. Delayed gratification gives them opportunities to practise patience, self-control and persistence.

For a younger child, this might mean waiting until the weekend for a special activity rather than doing it immediately. A primary-aged child might save pocket money for something they really want. For a teenager, delayed gratification could mean saving for a concert, working towards a sporting goal, studying for an exam before relaxing, or putting money aside for a larger purchase.

These experiences can teach an important lesson: some things are more meaningful because we have worked and waited for them.

Delayed gratification also gives children a chance to experience disappointment in manageable ways. They may not always enjoy waiting but learning that frustration can be tolerated and that “not yet” does not mean “never,” can build useful skills for later life.

Why “yes” isn’t always the kindest answer

Parents naturally want their children to be happy. But sometimes, giving children everything they want can make it harder for them to learn patience, cope with disappointment and appreciate what they have.

But children also need opportunities to hear “not yet”, “not this time” and “you’ll need to work towards that”.

This does not mean deliberately depriving children or refusing things simply to teach them a lesson. Nor does it mean comparing them with children who have less. Instead, it means resisting the pressure to remove every small frustration from their lives.

Sometimes a parent might say, “I know you’re disappointed. It’s okay to feel that way.” Or, “If you really want that, let’s work out how you could save for it.”

These responses acknowledge the child’s feelings without immediately solving the problem for them. Over time, children can learn that happiness does not depend on getting everything they want, and that waiting, working towards something and eventually achieving it can make the experience more meaningful.

6. Give children opportunities to contribute

Gratitude becomes more meaningful when children have opportunities to put it into action. Helping others can shift their attention away from what they want and towards what they can contribute.

This might be as simple as helping prepare a meal, checking on a younger sibling, writing a thank-you note or helping a neighbour.

As children grow, look for opportunities that match their interests and growing independence. Teenagers might volunteer, help at a community event, support a younger student, contribute to a family responsibility or take part in a service project.

The focus does not need to be on making children feel lucky because someone else has less. Instead, it is about helping them recognise that they have something valuable to offer.

This connects with the Australian research discussed earlier. Prosocial behaviours such as helping, sharing and volunteering are part of healthy social development, and giving children opportunities to contribute allows them to practise these behaviours in real situations.

Gratitude changes as children grow

What gratitude looks like will change from PreKinder through to Year 12.

For younger children, keep it concrete. Notice the warm sun, a favourite book, a shared meal or someone helping them.

Primary-aged children can explore gratitude through friendships, family, school and their wider community. Encourage them to recognise effort, kindness and opportunities rather than focusing only on possessions.

Teenagers may respond better to genuine conversation than formal activities. Ask thoughtful questions about people who have influenced them, experiences they value or opportunities they might otherwise take for granted.

Gratitude can connect with independence and responsibility. Saving for something they want, working towards a personal goal, or contributing to their household can all help teenagers recognise the effort, relationships and opportunities behind the things they value.

Older students can also connect gratitude with contribution. Volunteering, helping younger students, supporting community initiatives or simply making time for someone who needs it can transform gratitude from an idea into action.

The bigger lesson

Ultimately, teaching gratitude is not about raising children who are constantly cheerful or satisfied. It is about helping them develop a broader view of their lives.

Children will experience disappointment, pressure, conflict and uncertainty. They will also experience friendship, achievement, beauty, humour, learning and connection.

Gratitude helps them notice the second group without denying the first.

For parents, that means looking for small opportunities rather than trying to create a perfect gratitude routine. Say what you appreciate. Notice kindness. Ask thoughtful questions. Make space for reflection. Most importantly, let children see you practising gratitude yourself.

Over time, these small moments can help children develop an important habit: looking beyond what is missing and recognising what is already meaningful, while still having the confidence to acknowledge what is difficult.

At All Saints Grammar, we believe education extends beyond academic achievement. Our approach supports boys and girls from PreKinder to Year 12 to develop as capable, confident and caring young people. Through learning, relationships, participation and opportunities to contribute, students are encouraged to develop the knowledge, character and emotional skills they need to navigate life with purpose. Our philosophy, Better Person, Better Learner, reflects our belief that personal growth and learning are closely connected. To see All Saints Grammar in action, and learn how we are shaping bright minds, kind hearts and bold spirits, register for one of our small group tours.